fact, opinion and poetry (not airy-fairy)

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Why Would Anyone Want to Leave Coalville?

Or An Involuntary Journey to the West End
Or Stopping by 'The Merry Monarch' on a Snowy Evening

At Christmas I whinged
About the absence of snow;
It seems like a lifetime ago.

The snow fell all day,
On the ground thickly lay.
Getting let out at three
Didn't benefit me:
The ringroad was blocked,
Far quicker to've walked.
I tried to go round,
Take my chances in town.
No better luck there:-
Slower than I could bear.

Into town cars trickled slow,
But outward bound, 'twas just no go.
I saw fat coppers trudge on foot,
But clearly they didn't give a hoot:-
Why would anyone want to leave Coalville?

So then I turned and went back,
Hoping I'd find a crack
In the Whitwick blockade.

It was jammed on the hill,
Some fool'd had a spill,
And smashed up his car.
He hadn't got far
At precipitous speed,
Paying weather no heed.

Two hours to Copt Oak:
It's no longer a joke
Doing one mile an hour.

The Leicester Road's white,
A grim daunting sight,
Which makes my heart sink.
But the motorway flows!
So at last off I go,
Through the slush and the snow.

In Leicester quite soon,
It seems like a boon,
But the city's gridlocked:
My efforts seem mocked.

The main road is jammed,
Which serves as a goad
To try the Fosse Road.
At first it's quite fast,
But that doesn't last.

I go in the pub for a piss,
But when I leave the cludge
There's nothing I've missed:
The cars have not budged.
Time for fish and chips.

Well, so much for brevity. Cludge is a Scotch word for toilet.  
After I left the fish and chip shop, traffic was moving, albeit slowly, so I carried on. The slush began to freeze. This was the most unpleasant part of all. We were creeping forward, but every time you started again, the car would fish-tail on the frozen slush. With parked cars only a foot away, it was quite concerning.

The cause of the congestion in Coalville was crashes.
In Leicester, it was more complex:
1) crashes
2) flyovers on the inner ring road too steep
3) people not respecting yellow box junctions
4) more people than usual using the motorway (as it was gritted), hence the access road logjammed.
5) rush hour traffic critical at the best of times
6) timid drivers not moving off when it was their turn.

Leicester had about two inches of snow. God knows what it will be like if it ever really snows.
It took me five-and-a-half hours to complete a half-hour journey.

Also inspired by the recent weather.

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