I bumped into Andy. With his long hair and beard, he looks a bit like Gandalf. And he is a wizard at knowing where to scrounge free food and drink. This was on University Road. The last time I bumped into him there, in almost exactly the same place, he was on the way to an inaugural lecture by a newly minted professor. I went along with him and got free wine and snacks, as well as an education in how iffy the pharmaceutical biz is.
I caught up with him, and found it was exactly the same situation again! What a coincidence. We went up to a lecture theatre, and a new prof gave us a talk on neuroscience. Andy is genuinely interested in this stuff, and would go even if it weren't for the freebies. I think.
The prof was introduced by a bearded bloke in a suit, who said he was a ProViceChancellor, whatever that is. He was very serious, and told us the prof had been promoted from the post of Reader, and was the bee's knees. It was a Leicester tradition to have these inaugural lectures, in which the new prof communicated to the public the results of his distinguished research. The ProVC believed it was very difficult to give these talks, as the scientists had to decode their stuff into language even I could understand, which many found the hardest thing they had ever done. He said we were starting a little early, but didn't think anyone else would be coming. I was puzzled by this. Was he claiming to be psychic? Of course he was wrong, and a few people drifted in on time, only to find they had missed the start! Boy were they surprised!
The prof gave an interesting talk, which included some witty animations, just to prove he had a sense of humour, even though he was such a swot. We learned interesting things, such as the fact that some professors can't turn the jargon off, even when they are trying very hard to. We also learned that most of neuroscience is bullshit, as the silly fellows are using the brains of rodents, which are very different from those of larger mammals. Large animals such as us have more white cells than grey ones, whereas the mice are the other way round. The white cells are used for communication. As a result, most of what children are taught in school about the brain is part-smart, at best. Apparently Albert Einstein left his brain to science. Instead of using it for scientific research, the Yank universities just cut it into pieces and divvied it up for souvenirs. We also learned that most of the drugs being used to treat stroke patients don't work, as effective doses have excessively severe side-effects. The prof and his henchpersons have managed to show that a cocktail of different drugs at acceptable dosage levels may produce better outcomes, which is a very important piece of research.
After the talk, we repaired to the Charles Wilson Building to scarf the freebies. This is a skyscraper in the middle of the Uni, named after an absolute nonentity. He was the gaffer of Glasgow Uni when I was a student there, and I don't know why anyone would name a building after him. Still, that is where the grub is usually doled out for these events. People drifted up quite slowly. Only about half the people who had been to the lecture came to the nosh-up. I was first up for the wine, and it was a very palatable red. Andy went off to another lecture! What an intellectual. There was another of his cronies there, but he didn't hang about very long. Perhaps that was because the scientist types were totally deffing us out. I hung around the edges of various groups of people, in hopes of being sociable, but they acted as though I was invisible. I began to worry about deodorant failure. I had washed quite carefully before I came out, but it had been a warm and humid day. Or was it the grey beard I sport? Perhaps they thought I was a down-and-out, coming to get smashed on the free wine. I only had a couple of small glasses, a few handfuls of peanuts, and some crisps. I noticed that most of the insiders were on the juice, rather than the wine.
I had hoped to get some tips from the prof on stroke prevention, but was unable to get his attention. This was quite different from the previous gig I went to, when everyone had been very friendly, and we had discussed meta-analysis of treatment methods quite freely.
After I got home, it occurred to me that it wasn't just me who was being ignored. The whole do had divided up into small cliques of people, who talked only amongst themselves, and completely ignored all the other groups. Since I wasn't a member of any of them, I was imperceptible. Perhaps the people who didn't come up from the lecture knew they wouldn't be welcome. It seems that studying neuroscience appeals to very clannish people. Or makes them that way.
No comments:
Post a Comment