Distinguished Alumnus

The crossbow cannibal enrolled,
At Bradford University.
In spite of his violent history,
They let him try for a PhD
In murder criminology.

He wallowed in his lethal obsession,
Then without reluctance made confession.
The way he'd scoffed his victims down,
Incurred an academic frown.
"That's not the thing to do, old chap,"
They tried to explain to him,
"We're supposed to help to catch these men,
Not emulate their sin."

The cannibal did not repent,
Just gave an evil grin.
"I'm a diligent student,"
He gave his excuse so thin,
"What better way is there to study
The serial killer mentality.
You want to learn but won't get bloody,
You haven't the guts, unlike me."

The coppers whisked him swift away,
And threw him into jail,
Where he tried to take his life;
He'd had enough of trouble and strife.
"I've lost all hope," said he.
"They'll never set me free.
Even though all I wanted
Was to earn a good degree."

On a similar topic-ish:Murder Tales