Grantrover Meadows

In England's fields, the crud lies steaming;
The landowner's new car is gleaming.
In upland meadows, sheep are grazing;
The public subsidy's amazing.

Without a handout, nowt would happen;
They tax us hard, to watch cows crapping.
For helpless townies, all is begrudged;
Range Rover man gets rich from turd.

No sign here of free enterprise,
Though ministers praise it to the skies.
Landowners live on government dole,
While affecting to despise the prole
Who gets a fraction of the dosh,
The Tories hand out to the posh.

The tenant farmer's not so flash,
It's owners who get all the cash.
A grant for digging ditches, then
A grant to fill them in again.
In fact, I'm led to understand
They get grants just for owning land.
Grants for this, and grants for that,
A grant for every beast that's shat
On England's green unpleasant land.

Osborne Flashes the Red Box

He would like to pose bluff and hearty for posterity,
But is trying to sell us austerity, 
And his uncertainty
Shows on his face: 
A man who secretly fears disgrace. 

His posture copies Chancellors of the past, 
As he tries to get some bullshit past 
The long-suffering British public; 
Relying on the support of the middle-class, 
He tries to whet their avarice, 
So they won't notice 
What he's really up to.

This is based on an exercise from a workshop. Line 1 is due to Raymond Carver.

Borrowing a Guitar

Some hapless chap wants to play us a tune,
But he's forgotten to bring his guitar;
So he keeps on trying to borrow one,
Though he's had no luck so far.

"Get yer hands off of mine," 
The musicians all groan,
"My guitar's far too fine.
Ye should've brought yer own."

It doesn't help that he's such a noob,
A man who's entirely unknown;
No-one's willing to give this rube
A helping hand with a loan.

No surprise he's not been back to the folk club. 

Inflexibility

A man rings the pet shop, and asks for a dog.
"I've got a live cat and I've got a dead dog,"
Said the owner, "Which one will you have?" 
"I want a dog, a dog I must have,"
Said the man, "Of cats, I'm no fan."

The owner brings the dog around in his van,
Takes payment, and makes off as fast as he can.
They find that the dog will not play with the kids,
As you'd hope that a household pet should;
But - there was no reason to expect that it would.

Feynman's Fool

Nobel Laureate Richard Feynman wrote: 

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the 

easiest person to fool.” He didn't leave detailed instructions, unfortunately.

No-one fools you like you do,
Just as Dick Feynman spoke.
Compared to ego's potent brew,
Human insight is a joke;
Our self-perception's up in smoke.

Can we escape the self-deception
Feynman warned us of?
Become a rare exception,
Exempt from vacuous self-love,
Though ego and folly go hand-in-glove?